Now and then.

Lately I’ve been killing time by looking up people from my past life on Facebook. If you don’t know what Facebook is, it’s simply a site for college students and grads to post profiles about themselves. For some, it’s a way to show off a pretty picture and their popularity. For others (like me), it’s a way to keep connected to people that I otherwise would have forgotten.

Anyway, you don’t need to know what Facebook is to understand how intriguing and amusing it can be to revisit people that you haven’t seen for years. It’s the same feeling you get when you attend a school reunion, except a little safer since this is online.

I’ve been so taken aback at one seemingly obvious but still surprising factor: people change. And wow, do they! It’s not only that people grew up. I mean, the popular jock got fat. The nerdy girl who hid behind her hair and glasses is now a beautiful, gorgeous model. The shortest guy became the tallest. The girl who always had a boyfriend is now single. The lonely girl is married. The bully became an evangelist.

On and on it goes. It makes me shake me head in wonder and awe. Few people turned out the way I thought they would. I mean, when we were in junior high, didn’t we think that the popular kids would be popular forever? We envied them, we hated them, we wanted to be them. Now they’re working B class jobs, looking exactly the same, hanging in the exact same group of friends as the day you left them.

I scour myself for my own changes. I was the loner, the girl who straddled the fence – too nerdy for the popular kids and too down-to-earth for the nerdy kids. I was slightly overweight, and compensated by wearing nonsensical clothing. I was drowning in my depression, hoping for someone to throw me a lifeline. Life was grey and there were days when I begged for death.

Oh how I’ve changed. I look at my life now and I smile. I have loyal, loving friends who would as soon kick my ass into gear as they would soothe all my wounds. I have a handsome man who adores me, whose kisses are endless, and who wants to one day make me his wife. I have the career that I’ve always dreamed of.

Then I look at my face – the face that was ridiculed and ignored all those years – the same face that is now respected, loved, and admired.

I wonder what those kids – the kids that shunned me – would say if they saw me now?

And now I wonder, dear friends, what were you like growing up? Have you defied any expectations? How have you changed? Let’s hear it – I want to know!

10 Work Observations

My on-the-job observations thus far:

10. Having to wear sunglasses in your office because the sunlight is pouring onto you is awesome.
9. Being able to decorate your office with an inflatable Bozo the clown, Christmas lights, and a 2 ft. vase/glassware thingy and getting away with it is double-awesome.
8. Downloading a naked Stewie from Family Guy for my desktop background. Gawd, I get away with everything.
7. Free color copies. Thank you.
6. Getting along with your co-workers truly makes or breaks your job experience.
5. Working right across from the mall is dangerous, yet sooo great.
4. Being able to cash in your check because your bank is in your building, and then go to the mall is even more dangerous, and even greater.
3. High heels. Never again.
2. Smiling cheesily at the intern until he does everything for you…I have no shame.

And my last, and most important observation:

1. Hearing your boss poop and fart in the stall next to you makes a great bribe (not to mention diminishes the intimidation factor). If she ever gets on my case, I’ll get say, “Whatever, I heard you fart! And it was the sputtering kind, too!”

Graphically speaking...

So the graphic design intern and I got a little bored...

Whaddya think?

When technology goes too far...

Is this a luxury? Or a serious violation?

I just had to share this. It was a streaming ad running across my email account, and I couldn't not click on it.

However you feel about it, you have to admit that it's a pretty genius domain name. *giggle*

P.S. Don't leave without checking out the video demonstration. It's a doozie.

1st day down!

Despite the cold, rainy weather we've been having, I had a great first day of work...probably because I hardly did any work at all. =)

Either they didn't have any work for me or they let me have it easy, because all I did today was sign papers, eat, and talk. I don't know about signing papers, but I could eat and talk all day. And I did.

Everyone is so genuinely nice...not fake like my last employer. My office cubicle is a sunny yellow and faces a large window with a gorgeous view of downtown, 20 floors above ground. I share it with the art design intern, whom I get along with famously.

I lugged about 40 lbs of stuff over there, so now my office has books, Pringles, gum, photos, and a inflatable Bozo the clown. You know, the essentials.

I love my job already. =)

Hi-Ho! Hi-Ho!

It's off to work I go tomorrow!

It has almost been 6 months since I have sat behind a desk. I am not looking forward to getting up early, lack of afternoon naps, or holding in my gas. However, I think it is a fair trade for good company, a great job, and a steady paycheck.

I feel like I'm getting ready for my first day of school. This past week I went "school shopping" and bought new clothes, new heels, lunch food, a lunch tote, and new make-up. I have already packed my lunch, laid out my outfit, and packed a huge bag to the brim with stuff to decorate my cubicle.

Everyone keeps asking if I'm excited. Honestly, I'm feeling a bit apprehensive, if anything. You know, that feeling you get when you get back onto the yellow schoolbus after summer vacation? I'm sure I'll feel better once I get acquainted with my co-workers, my job, and most importantly, the location of the kitchen.

Wish me luck!

This post brought to you by the letter 'J'

Thanks to Kimananda for her always uber-fun posts and graciously passing the baton to me by bestowing upon me the letter 'J'. I absolutely love this letter. So without further ado, here are 10 words that start with the letter 'J' and what it means to me. (If you want to also play, comment on this post and ask for a letter!)

1. Jesus. My Savior. The one who died for me so that I could have hope of eternal life. My healer, my comforter, my unconditional lover. You make me worthy.
2. Jason. 1 year and 2 months, but who's counting? :) Your unsurpassing love for me is a new gift to me every day.
   
3. John. The book in the Bible that Jason and I are currently reading through together. We read a chapter each night, discuss it, and pray while holding hands. This is a new ritual for us, and it is bringing our relationship to a new level.
4. Journal. On paper or online, in my head or in a conversation...I believe that life should be recorded and preserved, held closely to our bosom in fond memory and shared with the ones we love. I have been writing in journals since I was 10. I have never traveled anywhere without a journal. I now have about 17 paper journals and I just love writing on this lovely blog.
5. Joy. What is life if it doesn't have joy? I recently attended a women's faith conference with my mom, and the theme was Contagious Joy. If anyone had contagious joy, it was those women, singing and dancing and laughing no matter what the circumstances of their lives. People these days walk around with no joy. Is it so hard to smile? C'mon, people, let's laugh, let's dance, let's sing for joy because God is good, all the time.
6. Jellyfish. I looove a jellyfish cold dish. The crunch, the vinegar, the sweet revenge of eating what stung me when I was 8 years old. Oh sweet, sweet revenge!
7. Jurassic Park. I've probably seen this movie more times than any other. I can tell because now I can't watch it without saying the lines before they are said. I still remember watching it for the first time in the theatre...and crawling under my seat.
8. Jade. Being Chinese, I have respect for the cool, mysteriously green jade stone. Jade is the prized stone of the Chinese people, and every one of them has jewelry made out of jade. I don't wear Jade (nothing personal, it's just not readily available in the U.S.), but every time I see it, I think of my people.
9. John-Jacob-Jingleheimer-Smith. One of the many songs I used to croon as a kid. Being a kid was so much fun, and every now and again I remember the title of a show or song I used to be obsessed with, and I scold myself for ever forgetting it in the first place.
10. Jeezal-peez. Probably one of the first repetitive sayings I ever developed, and I doubt it'll ever leave me. It's right up there with "Lord have mercy!" and "I know, right?"
    

Can you feel me now?

Numbness is a really weird sensation. The shot of anethesia sucks, but then the tingliness sets in and you start poking yourself, all the while totally amused that you can't feel what you're touching.

I went to the dentist today. I had to get a filling replaced and get a biopsy done on this odd growth beneath my tongue. Two operations means twice the anesthesia, and when the doctor asked me, "Can you feel your lip tingling?", I said, Uh, I don't feel anything.

They said the numbness would wear off after about 2 hours, but 2 hours later I still can't feel the entire right side of my face and my jaw is getting sore from holding itself at weird angles without knowing it.

Like I said, the sensation of numbness can be cool. I've poked my chin, tugged on my ear, and scratched my tongue, just to see if I could feel anything. (I can't.) But now the amusement has worn off, and I'm hungry.

If you know me at all, you'd know that nothing short of death could stop me from eating. (Don't ever ask me to choose between food and you, because, well...I'd hesitate.) So I was eating a huge bowl of cereal, when I realized that I was chewing something that I didn't remember pouring into the bowl.

It took me 5 seconds to realize I'm chewing my lip. It took me 5 more seconds to realize that I might be chomping more than chewing. And 5 seconds after that, I looked into the mirror and discovered the bloody pulp I'd turned my lip into.

Nice.

So now I have 2 weeks of cancer sores to look forward to. But hey, at least I can't feel it right now!

(And to answer your question, Yes. I finished the cereal.)

And they lived happily ever after.

My dear friends,

The response to this chapter in my life has been overwhelming and humbling. If I have not emailed you back by now, it is either because 1) Your email is not listed (MotherSong? Dawnamarie?) or 2) I am a douchebag. So if you haven't received your email, leave a comment to say which of the two options applies to you, and I will respond promptly!

Jason and I are happy beyond words, enjoying our newfound relationship that is ever brighter and more I-want-to-vomit loving than when we first met. Truly, we were in a desert, and now we have arrived at our oasis. We have resolved our differences and we have both changed so much that every day is a beautiful, new day.

Thank you, my angels, for loving me through all this. Surely this will not be the only bump in the road ahead, but I am comforted that I have you to hook arms with me along the way. If there's anything I can ever do for you, do not hesitate to let me know.

Your little short-haired girl,

Leslie

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!

So? How do you like it? The lady cut about 7 inches off. It looked like a shaggy dog had been slaughtered at my feet.

Anyway, I love it! I would post more pictures, but blogger is being a butt and won't let me, so I'll try again later.

Tata!

*UPDATED* More photos are here!

Angels Unaware.

I have been amazed these past few days about how truly blessed I am. If a woman's wealth could be summed by the quality of her friends, I am a wealthy woman indeed.

Thank you, all you angels, who continue to email me and send me notes of empathy and love. Even more so, thank you for making yourselves available to me, even offering your phone numbers - many of you are mothers, and I can't believe you'd make extra time to listen to me!

Don't feel bad if I haven't responded to you yet. Frankly I haven't responded to anyone, not because I don't want to talk to you, but because I can't seem to get it out. It's all stuck in my head. Maybe I'm afraid it'll overwhelm you. More to the point, maybe I'm afraid it'll overwhelm me. In the mean time, I've been writing you all mental letters, and it hasn't been until now that I realize that you can't hear me. =)

I promise I will write you all personally soon. It may not be until this weekend. Jason and I are getting together on Friday to talk, and I must prepare myself for that. Besides, my haircut is Friday morning, and maybe my mind will be better prepared to talk after it's been lightened by half a ton of hair.

I thank God for you, my angels. What would I do without you?

A drama-free intermission

*We now interrupt this programming with some live updates.*

I have eaten chocolate cake for breakfast for two days straight. This is what my body wanted and this is what I gave it. Speaking of good decisions,...

I have decided to cut my hair. You all were right; it'll grow back. Besides, I'm sick of being confused with lollipop-lickin' 17 year olds. I'm thinkin' 6 inches off, at least. My appointment is on Friday. It'll be great. A biblical symbol of change, because...

I got the job! Oh yes, I nabbed it last Thursday and accepted it yesterday. I asked for time off to relax, so I start in 2 weeks. As of May 15th, I will be a Junior Copywriter for a burgeoning advertising agency in downtown Cincinnati. The pay's not about to qualify me for early retirement, but I love the people, I love their work, and they're going to let me freelance on the side so I can make extra $$ and keep my clients. This couldn't come at a better time, since...

I'm still $1400 in the hole. BUT, Jason called the boy's father yesterday, and it turns out that he never cashed in the check. The guy said that he's going to mail the check back to me this week! The good news is that even if he never does, I can still sign a few papers and get my money back within 10 days. Thank the Lord, praise Jesus! Speaking of Him,...

They say that when you can't pray, praise. As I drove around running errands yesterday, the first car I drove behind had a license that said 'PRYZ HIM'. If that isn't a divine message, I don't know what is. So I did. I put on my best worship CD and sang the whole ride through.

And because God is so good, I can now move out of my current mansion that smells of cat pee and curtain dust and into a 3-bedroom house with my new friends, Chenney and Heather. We have been looking at places for a month now, and we're so close. We will probably decide by next week, so look for all the '!!!!' in a week because this Suzie Homemaker cannot WAIT until she starts buying furniture and decorating. My sister is buying my a kitten for my birthday that is coming up, so Little Buffalo, here I come!

*We now return to your regular programming*

Rhythm.

Chase me,
Find no one
Chase God,
Find me

Let's drink from the cup
that overfloweth with tears
Here's to living
Here's to learning
Here's to joy neverending

Somewhere,
Over the rainbow
I hope I find you.

Rescue me.

This is the first time I have ever gone through something like this, but I suspect it never gets any easier, does it ladies.

Last night Rachel's (my roommate) secret lover, Sam, came over and, together, formed a tag-team to replace my emotion with logic, my ache with laughter, and my loneliness with comfort. Sam even held my hand and forced me to snuggle with him. Yet all I could think of was, It just isn't Jason.

So this morning I delayed getting up for several hours. When I finally did get up, I read your emails, and took a shower, all the while thinking of how to respond to you all. How can I tell you, my bosom friends, what I am going through? How can I turn my tears into words?

By the time I got out of the shower, I was so dizzy with emotion that I laid back on my bed, my wet hair dripping onto my pillow, and my bathrobe splayed underneath me. I so badly wanted to forget it all, to jump into my car and drive myself straight into Jason's arms. Afraid of my own thoughts and what I might do, I slept...and slept until Rachel knocked on my door at 6:15 p.m.

She sat on my bed, cocked her head to the side, evaluating my half-dried hair and my wrinkled bathrobe. I suppose she saw a little bit of herself in that moment, because she said, "We're going out. I don't care where. You better put on some clothes because I'll be back to check on you. Now hurry."

So in a semi-symbolic gesture, I unwrapped a shirt that I'd never worn from its tissue paper, pulled on my skinny jeans, and headed out with Rachel.

We walked the streets of uptown Cincinnati, drifting among outrageous price tags and sipping smoothies. I even tried on a very expensive, very lovely dress, and everyone ooohed and ahhed. I curtsied, felt oh-so-very princessy, and for one fleeting moment, forgot about Jason.

In due girly fashion, we each bought a slice of very rich chocolate mouse cake, and came home to watch 24. (Well, she is watching 24, anyway.)

And now I'm thinking about him again, crying a little, and trying to remain strong.

To my lovelies who emailed me, I will write you very, very soon. *hugs*