Pretty like me.
The other day I was poking my nose through facebook.com and myspace.com. I pay next to zero attention to my accounts on both sites, but I'm always surprised what a little boredom and curiosity will push me to do.
Anyway, that night I stumbled upon a profile of a girl who used to go to my high school. Among the list of her friends was a girl that also went to my high school. She was among the "popular girls", which pretty much meant that she was thin, blonde/brunette, a cheerleader, and swapped a lot of boyfriends. I studied her profile. Wow, she'd gotten even prettier, and every single one of her male friends were tall, handsome, and looked like they'd just walked off a modeling studio. To add insult to injury, she was not only working in the same industry as me, she lived in a much warmer and exotic part of the nation.
I was jealous. Really jealous. But worse than jealousy, I had unexpectedly stumbled into the shoes of my past. For the first time in 5 years, I felt the familiar pangs of longing, loneliness, and even desperation. I found myself analyzing her every feature, hanging my head in defeat thinking I could never look like that. I compared the looks of my friends to hers. I questioned my decision to live in a nondescript midwestern city and wondered if I was compromising my youth. Have you ever felt something awful, and realized that you've felt it before? I was depressed for 5 years...every day of those years, I woke up thinking all those thoughts, loathing myself to the point where I refused to look into a mirror. And then one day I walked away and never looked back.
For some reason, just for one evening, I felt the same thing the other night. After I while I got tired of lifting up my shirt and sucking in my stomach in front of the mirror. I peered into my reflection and realized what I've known for a long time...I'm beautiful just the way I am. Who knows? If she saw me, maybe she'd find something to be jealous of.
That night, feeling so awful, I couldn't believe I felt that way every day for 5 years. Even more heartbreaking was the realization that many women STILL feel that way and haven't gotten out. Ah, comparison. It'll tear you apart.
Anyway, that night I stumbled upon a profile of a girl who used to go to my high school. Among the list of her friends was a girl that also went to my high school. She was among the "popular girls", which pretty much meant that she was thin, blonde/brunette, a cheerleader, and swapped a lot of boyfriends. I studied her profile. Wow, she'd gotten even prettier, and every single one of her male friends were tall, handsome, and looked like they'd just walked off a modeling studio. To add insult to injury, she was not only working in the same industry as me, she lived in a much warmer and exotic part of the nation.
I was jealous. Really jealous. But worse than jealousy, I had unexpectedly stumbled into the shoes of my past. For the first time in 5 years, I felt the familiar pangs of longing, loneliness, and even desperation. I found myself analyzing her every feature, hanging my head in defeat thinking I could never look like that. I compared the looks of my friends to hers. I questioned my decision to live in a nondescript midwestern city and wondered if I was compromising my youth. Have you ever felt something awful, and realized that you've felt it before? I was depressed for 5 years...every day of those years, I woke up thinking all those thoughts, loathing myself to the point where I refused to look into a mirror. And then one day I walked away and never looked back.
For some reason, just for one evening, I felt the same thing the other night. After I while I got tired of lifting up my shirt and sucking in my stomach in front of the mirror. I peered into my reflection and realized what I've known for a long time...I'm beautiful just the way I am. Who knows? If she saw me, maybe she'd find something to be jealous of.
That night, feeling so awful, I couldn't believe I felt that way every day for 5 years. Even more heartbreaking was the realization that many women STILL feel that way and haven't gotten out. Ah, comparison. It'll tear you apart.
posted by The mini ninja at 8:50 PM
8 Comments:
When I was near graduating from high school, we all did the yearbook thing where we write something personal and sign it and whatever. This revealed two things to me:
1. I'm good at remembering things about people.
2. Other people are not.
2a. Most people didn't bother to get to know me.
Sadly, despite my efforts at talking to people during and after class, most people wrote "I wish I'd have known you better!" WELL WHOSE FAULT IS THAT, FUCKBAG? I was there, but you were too busy primping your hair and touching up your makeup to be bothered noticing the nerdy dark-eyed GEEEEENIUS sitting over there NOT fawning all over you.
My guy friends didn't tend to write much, which is why this sounds like it's mostly about girls and/or crossdressers.
Oh well. I kept the friends I could and left the rest to take the next step in "staying in touch." So far, they haven't.
Was I valedictorian? No. I'm not sure I was even in the top 100. Was I into all the sports? No. I was in the band and dated half the girls in the flute section. I was just your average Joe with an above average IQ. Yet so few bothered to notice.
But I'm not bitter. Actually, I WASN'T, but I hadn't thought about it until I read this post. And for the most part, I'm still not bitter. Their loss is Leslie's gain. :)
I can not imagine that your classmate wouldn't be jealous. Trust me when I tell you that pretty and a warm climate do not a perfect person make. Although I'd settle for pretty and a warm climate. But I'm petty, don't listen to me. :-)
I have two daughters in high school, and it really is tough. My younger one is a force of nature, she doesn't waste much time trying to be like anyone. Still, I see it wearing on her.
My older one is sensitive, and really does try to be liked, be in style, the whole deal. She's a lovely, lovable girl, but she's not going to see that for a while I don't think.
It certainly will.
And you know what? The GOOD thing about geting older is just that.. you begin to appreciate what you have and who you are AS IS more and more.
And you, darlin', have done it early. Yay.
I knew I adored you for a reason.
;p
I have nothing to comment that others haven't said well already...but that's never stopped me before!
I have considered what my life would have been like if I had been one of the popular people...and I can't imagine that I would have done half the cool things I've done in my life. But of course that wasn't something I could see at the time.
As Greg Ganssle would say, you really wouldn't want to be her. There might be things about her that you'd like to have true of you, but if you really thought about her life on the whole, I'm sure there are plenty of things about it that you would be horrified about being true of you and probably some things about your own life that you wouldn't want to give up to be her.
I agree with Kimananda. I think really popular people are probably shallow and boring. How can you please so many people and still be yourself?
You ARE beautiful, Leslie. And you have a guy who loves you. When people age and are not the great beauties they once were, if they don't have anything else, it can be totally devastating.
But yes, I think it's very common to compare and contrast. We're a very competitive society, and a lot of people are secretly bummed out when they hear how well old friends are doing. Just part of the culture, I think. The flip side of this is that mentors and role models can sometimes inspire people to follow their own dreams. But that's still something no one else can do or decide for anyone else.
I think you are GORGEOUS!! If it makes you feel any better, I wish I could look more like you :) So photogenic!!!
best regards, nice info 1993 acura integra gs Women amateur Microsoft wedding stationery Fondos escritorio pornstars buy oxycontin no membership required Secratary big tits lactating voyeur pictures of girls in shower voyeur girl jenna voyeur genuine nissan accessories Ebony pornstar mowett Tramadol mega Free small tits fuck Epson photo printer r220 stylus Voyeur cameltoe does acyclovir cause birth defects ultram cheap overnight Bdsm dom fem fetish free cheerleader voyeur
Gab At Les
<< Home