The Almost Flower.

Now that I’ve got my stomping out of my system (see below), I suppose now is as good time as any to tell you about the Almost Flower. What is an Almost Flower, you ask? But I don’t have to tell you because you already know what it is. Everyone has given or received an Almost Something at one point (or, if you’re extra special, several points) in his/her life. An Almost Something is a disconnect between thinking something and then doing something. An Almost Something is, ironically, almost always an excuse. “I almost said I love you”, “I almost bought the bigger diamond”, “I almost took birth control”, and “I almost jumped in to save you” all fall under this category.

An Almost Flower, then, is when instead of receiving the bountiful blue bonnets or pansies or orchids you deserve, you receive a pleading look, empty hands, and the words “I almost stopped by the flower shop today.”

I have received enough Almost Flowers to hang wreaths around my room.

It all started with one of our many fights. Jason is a very all-or-nothing person. When it came to giving, he felt that anything less than diamonds or a yacht would be insufficient. Thus, since he can’t afford either, he chose not to surprise me with anything. I, on the other hand, am completely the opposite. I’m low maintenance. It doesn’t take much to make me happy, but it does take something. Convincing Jason that I preferred flowers over diamonds and picnics over 5-star restaurants was like banging my head against a spiked wall.

The result of my bloodied attempts? He decided to think about it.

And so, time after time, he’d come home from work where I’d be waiting, eagerly anticipating my very first flower.

“Guess what?”
Yes? YES?!
“I almost got you a flower today.”
You…almost?…got me a flower?
“Yep. Flower shop was closed though.”
But…but what about Kroger’s?
“No way. They don’t have the best ones.”

Thus the Almost Flower was born. Every weekend there’d be a different excuse, but always the same result. I’d open my palms and he’d hand me an Almost Flower to add to my burgeoning bouquet. At one point, he did arrive with a pink rose, but only after much begging. And it was one of those nonchalant “here’s your flower, so take it” type deals, so I was still disappointed. I stuck it in one of his empty beer bottles, where it wilted within days.

This weekend started out the same way. He arrived at my place, said “I thought about getting you a flower”. I was about say “Uh huh” when he cried, “So I did!” and pulled out a beautiful, long-stem red rose.

Eureka! I closed my eyes, wrapped my fingers around the plump petals, and reveled in a flurry of flower fumes. Mmm…

Do you have an Almost Something in your life? Or are you one of those lucky gals that are spoiled rotten by your significant other? Either way, let’s hear it!