The sky is blue.
The sky is blue today. Light blue, with puffy white pastries sprinkled about. Blue - like last week never happened. Like I didn't work until my lids drooped every day. Like I didn't accidentally give Christopher a concussion, shake him and beg him to wake up, and hold his hand until the EMT's arrived. Like I didn't almost lose Jason, my bestfriend, to my mistakes and the point in which our pain met. Like my car, just one-month purchased, wasn't breaking down and won't cost me $2k that I don't have.
It's so blue today. And I attribute its shine to the short, plump, sweet woman who cleaned my teeth today. I showed her the angry ulcer that was eating away my upper lip and she coo'd and showered me with goodnatured, grandmother advice. She called me 'good girl' and made me feel like holding my lips open for her was some kind of grand achievement. She asked me if I flossed, and before I could admit that I rarely do, she clucked and said, "Oh I know, you're afraid of hurting your gums and getting more ulcers aren't you? You poor thing, I don't blame you". I felt like a little girl again who got away with something she didn't think she would. She sent me home with a new, vibrating flosser she had bought from Big Lots. And before I left, she smiled happily and said, "I knew I was going to give that to someone special. You're that special person today!" If it weren't for my ulcer, I would have smiled wider.
And then Mark IM'd me. My Mark. One of only two friends I took with me from school to home, from fancy New York to humble Ohio. Mark, the prototype ROTC cadet, the boy stuck in a man's body, who spent every moment at the gym to forget his pain. Mark, who told me he couldn't hug me because he was afraid of himself. Mark of the big chest tattoo. Mark of one coffee per hour slept. Mark of the invisible Achilles heel. Mark of all the women and no woman at all. Mark, who would punch me in the arm if he saw this and then deny deny deny.
It took me a while to tell him I loved him. I thought it would scare him. But I finally did last Christmas. I hid it away at the end of a letter. After that, I'd sneak it in when he least expected it. Embedded in an email. Tossed in at the end of a phone call. Always followed by the name "brother", "buddy", or anything else non-threatening. I just wanted him to know. I wanted to say 'Hey, the world thinks you're tough, but I know better. I love you and it isn't overwhelming and it isn't conditional. It just is."
Since we've graduated, he has been the one keeping tabs on me. Despite his hectic army training, he calls. He writes. And just now, he IM'd me. I must have said something funny because that's when he said it.
"Love you." Just like that. Like it was so easy for him. Like it'd never been a struggle. Like he'd been telling me every day for the last 3 years.
"Love you." Simple. Not overwhelming. Not conditional. It just was.
And that's when I looked out the window and noticed.
The sky is so blue.
It's so blue today. And I attribute its shine to the short, plump, sweet woman who cleaned my teeth today. I showed her the angry ulcer that was eating away my upper lip and she coo'd and showered me with goodnatured, grandmother advice. She called me 'good girl' and made me feel like holding my lips open for her was some kind of grand achievement. She asked me if I flossed, and before I could admit that I rarely do, she clucked and said, "Oh I know, you're afraid of hurting your gums and getting more ulcers aren't you? You poor thing, I don't blame you". I felt like a little girl again who got away with something she didn't think she would. She sent me home with a new, vibrating flosser she had bought from Big Lots. And before I left, she smiled happily and said, "I knew I was going to give that to someone special. You're that special person today!" If it weren't for my ulcer, I would have smiled wider.
And then Mark IM'd me. My Mark. One of only two friends I took with me from school to home, from fancy New York to humble Ohio. Mark, the prototype ROTC cadet, the boy stuck in a man's body, who spent every moment at the gym to forget his pain. Mark, who told me he couldn't hug me because he was afraid of himself. Mark of the big chest tattoo. Mark of one coffee per hour slept. Mark of the invisible Achilles heel. Mark of all the women and no woman at all. Mark, who would punch me in the arm if he saw this and then deny deny deny.
It took me a while to tell him I loved him. I thought it would scare him. But I finally did last Christmas. I hid it away at the end of a letter. After that, I'd sneak it in when he least expected it. Embedded in an email. Tossed in at the end of a phone call. Always followed by the name "brother", "buddy", or anything else non-threatening. I just wanted him to know. I wanted to say 'Hey, the world thinks you're tough, but I know better. I love you and it isn't overwhelming and it isn't conditional. It just is."
Since we've graduated, he has been the one keeping tabs on me. Despite his hectic army training, he calls. He writes. And just now, he IM'd me. I must have said something funny because that's when he said it.
"Love you." Just like that. Like it was so easy for him. Like it'd never been a struggle. Like he'd been telling me every day for the last 3 years.
"Love you." Simple. Not overwhelming. Not conditional. It just was.
And that's when I looked out the window and noticed.
The sky is so blue.
posted by The mini ninja at 2:37 PM
2 Comments:
Whoah!
Did I miss in between somewhere?
So many horrible things have happened, and I didn't even realize.
However, sounds like the good far outweighed the bad and now I'm wondering, is there a future for Mark and yourself?
It's always where/when you least expect it.
Gab At Les
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