Fun on four wheels

Saturday I went with my family to King's Island in honor of P&G Dividend Day. (In other words, a weekend where Dilbert lovers like my dad can put on their short shorts and pull up their socks to release their pent up white collar frustrations on the coasters.) I hadn't been there for 4 years, and frankly, wasn't sure how well I would handle it. I used to be a coaster junkie, but my body had taken a serious dive in health. I could barely stand for half an hour, let alone a whole day.

Sure enough, just one hour into the day, I was close to throwing up from the pain. That's when I spotted it. A glorious little side station with this sign: Wheelchair rental.

Best 12 bucks I've ever spent.

I spent the rest of the day in that wheelchair, during which I made several observations:

• People don't approve of people who aren't visibly disabled to be in wheelchairs. If you're drooling, have tubes coming out of you, and have lost control in at least one of your limbs, that's okay. But if you're a pretty girl smiling, laughing, and occasionally getting up to go to the bathroom, you're cheating.
  
• Everyone's much taller than you when you're in a wheelchair. (This is a 'duh', I know, but I hadn't been that low to the ground in 15 years.)
• There are no coaster entrances specifically for wheelchair bound folks. Your entrance is the exit. Not exactly the most dignified way to get to a roller coaster when you're being pushed against the grain.
• Skipping a long line to get to a coaster is nice.
• Not having any of my diseases would be nicer.
• Sitting down while everyone else is standing is nice.
• Being able to stand without pain like everyone else would be nicer.
• The Disability Booklet is so cool. You go straight to the coaster, and if the line is too long, they pen in a time you can go on. In the mean time, you can leave and goof off until that time.

Anyway, we spent the entire day running through a revolving door of nausea: go on coaster, get really nauseous, go to bathroom and drink Coke to quell nausea, go on next coaster, start over. We topped the day off with two funnel cakes. Mmmmm funnel cake.

What's your favorite amusement park ride, if any?