War on Mars.
Why does he write me off as emotional when I cry?
Why does he not like to meet my friends and socialize in groups? Doesn't he want to know the people in my life? Doesn't he want to show me off?
Why did he tell me that I've talked to his bestfriend more than he has and that makes him uncomfortable? Why does he think that his bestfriend of 12 years would make a move on me if he didn't know that Jason would hurt him? Does he think so low of his bestfriend's integrity or their 12-year friendship? Does he not trust me?
Why does it make him uncomfortable for me to join him when visiting friends? Why does he assume that he "knows me" and insists I stay home because he thinks I wouldn't enjoy historical documentaries or conversations about guns?
Why is he afraid that I would judge him if I got too close to his friends? Is there something he's hiding?
Why does he screen for me what I would or wouldn't like? Does he think me so immature and insecure that I wouldn't be confident to say that I am or am not comfortable in a situation?
Why would he say, "I was already stressed, but thank you for adding more stress to my life." Why would he not apologize when I say that hurts?
Is it true that he's too tired from school and work to ever go out? Or should I assume that it is his personality to use all spare time to sleep in and veg out?
Is it possible for a social butterfly and a social conservative to live in harmony?
Why is the closest thing he says to an apology come out as, "I'm sorry I'm not the social butterfly you are"?
Why can't he apologize even when he doesn't think he's wrong, just to smooth things over?
Why did he end the conversation by telling me that I shouldn't have called him while driving? Why did he cut me off and say, "Girls are more emotional than guys when driving. DON'T ARGUE. IT'S FACT." Is that even the point?
Why is it so hard for him to say, "Honey, let's talk about this when we're both more rational. I love you."?
Why is it so hard for him to handle several emotions at once? Why is it hard for him to juggle stress in a healthy way? Why must everything be a burden?
I can't believe I sat in the driveway and cried. I'm such a shmuck.
I don't want to talk or see him again until he says something nice. VERY nice.
Why does he not like to meet my friends and socialize in groups? Doesn't he want to know the people in my life? Doesn't he want to show me off?
Why did he tell me that I've talked to his bestfriend more than he has and that makes him uncomfortable? Why does he think that his bestfriend of 12 years would make a move on me if he didn't know that Jason would hurt him? Does he think so low of his bestfriend's integrity or their 12-year friendship? Does he not trust me?
Why does it make him uncomfortable for me to join him when visiting friends? Why does he assume that he "knows me" and insists I stay home because he thinks I wouldn't enjoy historical documentaries or conversations about guns?
Why is he afraid that I would judge him if I got too close to his friends? Is there something he's hiding?
Why does he screen for me what I would or wouldn't like? Does he think me so immature and insecure that I wouldn't be confident to say that I am or am not comfortable in a situation?
Why would he say, "I was already stressed, but thank you for adding more stress to my life." Why would he not apologize when I say that hurts?
Is it true that he's too tired from school and work to ever go out? Or should I assume that it is his personality to use all spare time to sleep in and veg out?
Is it possible for a social butterfly and a social conservative to live in harmony?
Why is the closest thing he says to an apology come out as, "I'm sorry I'm not the social butterfly you are"?
Why can't he apologize even when he doesn't think he's wrong, just to smooth things over?
Why did he end the conversation by telling me that I shouldn't have called him while driving? Why did he cut me off and say, "Girls are more emotional than guys when driving. DON'T ARGUE. IT'S FACT." Is that even the point?
Why is it so hard for him to say, "Honey, let's talk about this when we're both more rational. I love you."?
Why is it so hard for him to handle several emotions at once? Why is it hard for him to juggle stress in a healthy way? Why must everything be a burden?
I can't believe I sat in the driveway and cried. I'm such a shmuck.
I don't want to talk or see him again until he says something nice. VERY nice.
posted by The mini ninja at 10:47 PM
7 Comments:
awww Leslie, you can't change him. If he likes to stay at home, he will always like that. You don't want him to change you, do you? I like to go out much more than my husband does so early on in our relationship I had to get secure in the fact that he loves me and it isn't about me when he wants to stay home and veg. And he had to learn that I love him and would not cheat on him when going out. If it is so important that Jason be with you when you go out, then that is something you need to think about long term. But I believe social butterflies and homebodies can have successful and meaningful relationships! *hugs*
That's the problem. I DO want to change him. Not all of him, just some things. And I don't know if I could be happy if he didn't change in those things. What do I do if we love each other but I want him to change? Of course, he doesn't see things this way. He thinks love can pull people through anything. I'm not so sure.
Oh sweetie, I feel for ya, as it seems that I've been in similar situations before.
I can't make any excuses for him or explain why he acts this way, I'll just say that given what you've written about him before - I hope this is just a passing phase, because in other posts he has come off as very sensitive. It wouldn't be right for me to say he's just a jerk when I know you love him and I don't know you two personally. I think you are doing a great job as a girlfriend by communicating your feelings, most people you ask will say that communication is at the top of the list for what's important in a relationship. Even if he gets defensive or stand-offish at the time, perhaps he'll think about what you've said later and take it to heart.
Don't forget that us girls do seem to mature faster emotionally than the boys!
I wish I knew the right thing to say. I hope he comes up with the right thing to say too.
Take care.
As mentioned in my rant today, I get consumed by my partner, and find myself suddenly willing to try all sorts of things just because it means being with her. Ballet? Opera? Ugh, but I'd go just to be with her. I DO need a certain amount of "me" time, to do whatever I want, but that's a compromise that has to be made in every relationship. You want to go see rhythmic gymnastics? I'll go, because it's something that's important to you. But when I want to go to a concert of nothing but Final Fantasy music, the least I'd expect is that you let me go enjoy myself. If you want to come, too, that's great!
It's very subjective; literally "to each his own." Nobody's going to be exactly what you want. And if they were, you'd probably get bored with them. It's that messy equation of "things you like" vs. "things you don't like" about a person that yield the result of the question "in what capacity should I be involved with this person?" Some people are just better off friends. I did the equation recently about a friend of mine and decided I didn't want him in my life at all anymore. It was just a very unbalanced, unpleasant relationship.
You gotta find your balance, and what you want for yourself out of this world and its inhabitants while you're here. Make sure there's a smiley face in your obituary, that's what I say. :)
Thanks you guys for your FANTASTIC advice. This is my first serious relationship, so I need all the advice I can get!
Thanks, Mr. Buckingham, for reminding me that everyone is a mix of goods and bads. You just have to choose which mixture is the right one for you! And yes, I am going to aim for that smiley face on my obituary! That's a good way to think about it!
P.S. The next day, Jason emailed me and apologized. Took me about 0.2 seconds to forgive him.
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