Taking It Up The Ass
I have a few things to say. I don't expect anyone to read this since I haven't been good at keeping up with other blogs lately, but we are naturally egocentric people. "It's all about me." So here I go. My shitty, dramatic, whirlwind week in review.
- I love slow dances. Call me names, I don't care. The whole world slips away, your whole body sways in a trance, and you melt inside your partner's arms. That's why I gave Jason permission to get krunked at Friday's wedding. It was the only way he'd let me drag him to the dance floor. He kept grabbing my ass. Imagine trying to blow your fantasy bubble and your boyfriend keeps popping it. Nevertheless, for a few 2-second spurts, I was gazing into big green eyes and a smile that was just for me...and I got to pretend I was doing that while wearing white.
- Freiburg Orthopedic, the bastard clinic that dismissed me as a patient, stuck a second finger up my ass. They sent me on a fruitless mission to the post office where I did not find my X-rays that I had requested, but ANOTHER dismissal letter. Turns out they had ignored my request to send them. Then Kim promised me she'd drop them off at my house. KIM, I TAPED A THANK YOU NOTE TO MY DOOR, YOU BITCH. The weekend came and went, no X-rays. I called and you coldly told me off and forced ME to come get them. Bite me.
- Jason pointed out this weekend what I never realized: I'm a real PMS piece of work. In my defense, my habit of continuous, irrational crying and picking parked cars to do it in is an oscar-winning trait. I'm writing my thank-you speech now.
- I also realized this weekend that I need counseling. Not in a "I'm psycho" kind of way, but in a "I'm fucked up from my family, I thought I put it behind me, but now I see the baggage I've dragged into my first serious relationship, so please help me so I don't fuck up my future marriage and kids" kind of way. Already in the process of finding a few counselors. Will let you know what happens.
- One of my co-workers cruelly snapped and called me out in public today. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she's having a bad day. Or MAYBE, as Jason's bestfriend suggested, she needs to get laid. I suspect the real reason she yelled at me is because my measely intern work has been picked for several projects over her senior status work. Get over it, Adrea, grow up, and tell your man to lay you.
- I brought a laundry list of ailments to the doctor today. I'd never met him before, but if it's possible to have a doctor crush, then I have one on Dr. Jay Rissover. He's not Mr. November, but he told me a joke about deer nuts. Ironically, he won me over during the most uncomfortable part of the exam: when I was taking it up the ass. I was laying on my side as he did his thing when I heard him snort and remark "Sorry, I know this isn't the greatest way to meet people." I gave him a rectal squeeze. It was my way of saying, "Nice to meet you too."
posted by The mini ninja at 11:58 PM
9 Comments:
I can honestly say I would never think to say hello to my doctor with my ass. :-)
Everybody in the world needs therapy. I highly recommend it. Finding a decent therapist is tough, though. Don't give up if it's difficult, and don't put up with someone you don't think is doing a good job. I know more screwed up therapists than you can shake a stick at. My ex is a therapist, even.
Don't go to him, whatever you do.
Ah, therapy is a wonderful thing. It'll make you feel so much better and it's hardly as rare as you think it may be. I was so embarrassed when I started going because my parents were totally unsuportive, but as I later found out almost everyone I know has a therapist. It truly is remarkable how much better you feel after talking to him/her.
Note that although it may work on your primary care physician, rectal greetings should not be used with a therapist. ;)
Mothersong - How frightening is it that there could not only be a such thing as a BAD therapist, but MANY BAD therapists?! Of all occupations in the world, you would think that would be among the top that outlaws BAD people. Shudder.
Since I'm on my own and don't have a lot of money, I'm in the process of talking to insurance to see what my options are. Seems reasonable so far. Fortunately, if I don't like the therapist they set me up with, I can choose another one for free.
I'll tell them not to take me to your ex! :) (What was it like to be with a therapist? Especially if your relationship wasn't going well?)
Kjersten - Yeah I hate that people think only psychos and people with severe problems need therapists. Honestly, most of us need some kind of therapy! When I told Jason about my plan, he was fine with me going, but didn't see a need for him to come with me. Why? "You're a lot crazier than I am and you need it much more." I told him I was close to asking him to leave, I was so devastated. As if he's Mr. Perfect! But he agreed to join me every now and then if it'd make me feel better. Well, I guess that's a start!
P.S. So NO on the rectal greeting for the therapist huh? Damn.
therapy isn't so bad. however, it is hard finding the "right" one sometimes. So if the first time doesn't go so good, just try another.
what kind of doctor sticks his fingers up your ass, especially on the first visit? nevermind. I don't think I want to know.
Emerald - if someone is there for you, does that make them INcomplete strangers? :) If you're ever in Cincinnati, you have a home here too! (Do you like Boston? My aunt and her family live there. In a town that starts with "M'. Maybe.
Daphne - the kind that's willing to stick his finger up your ass when you say "I suffer from lifelong chronic constipation. Fix me now, deer nut doctor!" LOL I'm laughing at myself, I can't believe I just wrote that! And to think that WAS my deepest, darkest insecurity that I could not talk about. Oh well!
I would tell people I worked with that I took some Psych classes in college and ended up minoring in it, and the first thing they said was, "PSYCHOANALYZE ME!!!" I guess I have a lot more messed up friends than I thought. Still, we were actually able to sometimes resolve issues or make their problems easier to understand.
I dunno if that qualifies as therapy, but I'm here to help. :)
LMAO!
Rectal squeeze, ha!
Gab At Les
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