The Joy of Pants
After months of procrastination, I finally went shopping for pants this weekend. You can only recycle two pairs of old jeans for so long. Plus, the shrinkage left my ankles bare, giving me reoccurring flashbacks of mom’s horrendous fashion experiments up until I hit puberty.
Jason, whose pants overflow from his dresser onto the floor to form small hills (and whose mother buys him all his clothes), could not grasp how shopping for pants could be so dreadful.
I didn’t know where to begin. My short stature? My thin legs? My wide hips? My straight and narrow figure?
So I set off to shop on my own, thinking better of staying to explain the exhaustive nature of finding pants, lest I fly into a rage that would incorporate flailing of the arms.
First stop was Plato’s Closet, a consignment shop. I was quite a sight - a small Asian girl loading every spare limb with at least 10 pairs of pants. I must have tried on 50 pairs. As you can imagine, lots of hopefuls were dashed. Too long, too tight, too loose (nothing too short, that would be the day). Two hours later, my back was picketing the decision to shop. I only found ONE pair that fit perfectly – a light blue pair of Union Bay cords.
The next day, I set off for the mall right after church. He must have felt sorry for his pantless girlfriend, because Jason agreed to shop with me. However, as soon as we entered JC Penney’s, Jason shot off in the opposite direction explaining, “I’m going to find something fun to do. Call me when you’re done.” (He later divulged his decision to eat at Applebee’s, where he unknowingly stumbled upon a gathering of stranded boyfriends who toasted him upon his entrance.)
I tried my ever-faithful PacSun. When I first discovered that their jeans fit me, I bought 6 pairs on the spot. This time, I was looking for colorful cords. Nothing. So I walked into the GAP. At first glance, I didn’t see any nice cords. I was muttering under my breath and just about to walk out the door when I walked straight into a rack of all kinds of cords. Selah! I had no idea what size I was, let alone what GAP size I was, so once again, I stacked my limbs with every prospect and waddled into the fitting room.
An hour later, I’d found 2 pairs that I liked AND fit me comfortably. Sound the gong! By this time, Jason had found me and was impatiently tugging me out the door. When I put the items on the counter to buy, he threw a new winter cap on the pile and shot me a “I deserve this for enduring the torture that IS shopping” look. I shot a “You’re the one who agreed to come with me you bum” look, but all he did in response was change his choice of cap color. Fine. I cave.
Before he completely pulled the plug on shopping, though, he spotted Suncoast Video and just had to go in. I’d spent hours that weekend collecting, counting, and organizing years of Jason’s neglected coins. There were stacked on his dresser, piling inside his beer mugs, overflowing in his car. It was an eyesore, but the fact that it was an eyesore that could pay for dinner motivated me to continue until my fingers reeked of brass. The total tally? $60. Half in pennies! I insisted we share in our newfound wealth, so after some thought, Jason decided he wanted to buy a new DVD and then I could have the rest. Into Suncoast we went.
The new releases were a loss. Neither of us could find something we both wanted to see. And then he spotted it.
His eyes bulged. He squealed. He held it tightly in his arms (rather, he put it in my arms and made me hold it tightly).
I looked at it. You have got to be kidding me.
It wasn’t Terminator, Die Hard, South Park, Star Wars, or even another obnoxious video game. It wasn’t anything that would lead you to believe that the same man had hauled his colossal and very dangerous tommy gun to a friend’s party the night before where he bragged, passed it around, and said things like “Yeah man, that’s the real shit.”
It was the entire first season of Fraggle Rock. FRAGGLE ROCK. Did I mention it was Fraggle Rock?!
I shook my head no, but he insisted. And after we bought it, he could not talk about anything else.
“I got Fraggle Rock!”
“Hey, did you know? I HAVE FRAGGLE ROCK!”
“Fraaaaaaaggle Rock, la la la laaaaaa!”
I gave it some thought, though, and I would much rather him watch Fraggle Rock than his usual gun toting, mission killing, whore raping video games. I mean, we both got what we wanted, right? I got my pants, he got his Fraggle Rock. I clothed my lower half, he…got video puppets.
This morning I received an email.
im sittin here watchin fraggle rock. now thats some cool shit! You need to watch this stuff.
im supposed to go over to chris day's place later so he can look at this tommy gun. i hope he wants to buy it, or at least trade for it.
It just goes to show. Guns and ammo may come and go, but Fraggle Rock is here to stay.
Jason, whose pants overflow from his dresser onto the floor to form small hills (and whose mother buys him all his clothes), could not grasp how shopping for pants could be so dreadful.
I didn’t know where to begin. My short stature? My thin legs? My wide hips? My straight and narrow figure?
So I set off to shop on my own, thinking better of staying to explain the exhaustive nature of finding pants, lest I fly into a rage that would incorporate flailing of the arms.
First stop was Plato’s Closet, a consignment shop. I was quite a sight - a small Asian girl loading every spare limb with at least 10 pairs of pants. I must have tried on 50 pairs. As you can imagine, lots of hopefuls were dashed. Too long, too tight, too loose (nothing too short, that would be the day). Two hours later, my back was picketing the decision to shop. I only found ONE pair that fit perfectly – a light blue pair of Union Bay cords.
The next day, I set off for the mall right after church. He must have felt sorry for his pantless girlfriend, because Jason agreed to shop with me. However, as soon as we entered JC Penney’s, Jason shot off in the opposite direction explaining, “I’m going to find something fun to do. Call me when you’re done.” (He later divulged his decision to eat at Applebee’s, where he unknowingly stumbled upon a gathering of stranded boyfriends who toasted him upon his entrance.)
I tried my ever-faithful PacSun. When I first discovered that their jeans fit me, I bought 6 pairs on the spot. This time, I was looking for colorful cords. Nothing. So I walked into the GAP. At first glance, I didn’t see any nice cords. I was muttering under my breath and just about to walk out the door when I walked straight into a rack of all kinds of cords. Selah! I had no idea what size I was, let alone what GAP size I was, so once again, I stacked my limbs with every prospect and waddled into the fitting room.
An hour later, I’d found 2 pairs that I liked AND fit me comfortably. Sound the gong! By this time, Jason had found me and was impatiently tugging me out the door. When I put the items on the counter to buy, he threw a new winter cap on the pile and shot me a “I deserve this for enduring the torture that IS shopping” look. I shot a “You’re the one who agreed to come with me you bum” look, but all he did in response was change his choice of cap color. Fine. I cave.
Before he completely pulled the plug on shopping, though, he spotted Suncoast Video and just had to go in. I’d spent hours that weekend collecting, counting, and organizing years of Jason’s neglected coins. There were stacked on his dresser, piling inside his beer mugs, overflowing in his car. It was an eyesore, but the fact that it was an eyesore that could pay for dinner motivated me to continue until my fingers reeked of brass. The total tally? $60. Half in pennies! I insisted we share in our newfound wealth, so after some thought, Jason decided he wanted to buy a new DVD and then I could have the rest. Into Suncoast we went.
The new releases were a loss. Neither of us could find something we both wanted to see. And then he spotted it.
His eyes bulged. He squealed. He held it tightly in his arms (rather, he put it in my arms and made me hold it tightly).
I looked at it. You have got to be kidding me.
It wasn’t Terminator, Die Hard, South Park, Star Wars, or even another obnoxious video game. It wasn’t anything that would lead you to believe that the same man had hauled his colossal and very dangerous tommy gun to a friend’s party the night before where he bragged, passed it around, and said things like “Yeah man, that’s the real shit.”
It was the entire first season of Fraggle Rock. FRAGGLE ROCK. Did I mention it was Fraggle Rock?!
I shook my head no, but he insisted. And after we bought it, he could not talk about anything else.
“I got Fraggle Rock!”
“Hey, did you know? I HAVE FRAGGLE ROCK!”
“Fraaaaaaaggle Rock, la la la laaaaaa!”
I gave it some thought, though, and I would much rather him watch Fraggle Rock than his usual gun toting, mission killing, whore raping video games. I mean, we both got what we wanted, right? I got my pants, he got his Fraggle Rock. I clothed my lower half, he…got video puppets.
This morning I received an email.
im sittin here watchin fraggle rock. now thats some cool shit! You need to watch this stuff.
im supposed to go over to chris day's place later so he can look at this tommy gun. i hope he wants to buy it, or at least trade for it.
It just goes to show. Guns and ammo may come and go, but Fraggle Rock is here to stay.
posted by The mini ninja at 5:11 PM
20 Comments:
I used to LOVE Fraggle Rock. Now that I know they have it on DVD, I might have to get it myself. Maybe I'll put it on my xmas list. I LOVE WIMBLEY. A lot of life's lessons can be learned from Fraggle Rock. :D
Wimbley eh? I'll have to look for him. I wonder who's Jason's favorite? I'll let you know. No doubt he's going to tote those DVD's around for a long time.
haha thanks for the funny comment!
Mr. Morris
Ask Morris
btw where you located in Ohio?
Mr. Morris
Ask Morris
No problem. Why do you ask? Are you familiar with the area?
Yeah, I live in Ohio. Just curious if we live in the same city.
Good 'ol Cincinnati for me. :)
yup thought you were the person using fuse.net. It's a shame what they've done to fountain square :(
I've never used fuse, but it is a shame what they did to fountain square because they took up my favorite parking garage! Where are you from?
Cincinnati. I live on the West Side. Look on the bright sooner or later all the skywalks will be knocked down too ;)
Going clothes shopping with your g/f or wife is one of the most dreaded tortures known to man--or so I've been told. So I guess he deserved his Fraggle--even though he didn't actually do the holding your purse while you were in the tryout room routine.
Hey, from one short girl to another, congratulations! I've never had the patience to try on hundreds of pairs of pants in the same day, and (probably not coincidently) rarely found three perfectly fitting pairs of them in the same day. I'm well impressed!
I totally understand the need to spend time on pants shopping. Recently, I guessed my size, bought clearance pants, and now have way too big pants that I cannot return. I am 5'4 with wide hips, thin legs, and a pooch from having 2 babies. I understand your pain. Second of all, I am thrilled to hear that I can chase my cares away with worries for another day ... down in Fraggle Rock...it's available??? no freaking way! I wantit I wantit! I so miss that show, and my kids might like it too. I used to wait all week to watch 2 shows: Fraggle Rock and Today's Special. I understand your man's excitement.
Elvira - Oooo you're right, he never did hold my purse! The few times that he ever does (like when I need to tie my shoe or something), he holds it out from his side like it's a dirty rag, haha! I keep telling him he needs a man-bag, but he just scoffs at me. :)
Kimananda - Oh I know, I can't believe I've 3 new pairs of pants. And all so colorful! (Dark brown, light blue, and light green). I'm wearing my lt. blue pair now and I can't believe my ankles aren't bare!
Rowan - Apparently, we bought it when it just came out! Jason was just beside himself. Yep, the entire first season cost about $50. I suppose that's not too bad, especially if you're a major fan! He's coming over tomorrow, so I may see my first episode soon.
Oh, and I HATE when you guess on something cheap and then you're wrong! Oooo, that stings. I've wasted so much money that way.
I could spend hours upon hours searching for the perfect pair of pants.. It's mostly because I am sooooo picky about my pants so I HAVE to go through like every store rummaging through every rack. This actually even pleases me, but tends to annoy the most die hard shopping buddies. Whatevs man, those jeans make my ass look like butta! Time well spent.
And good call on the fraggle rock, you're in for a treat.
and now the theme song is stuck in my head
You're right, Tara. Once you find that perfect flattering pair, it's totally worth it. But the journey is such a pain!
I think I'm the lone person on the planet who never watched Fraggle Rock. The only reason I know them is because I used to LOVE this christmas movie where the muppets, sesame street, and fraggle rock all came together. I'm out of the loop!
I LOVE Fraggle Rock!!
Leslie, have you seen the Foamy the Squirrel video where he talks about Fraggle Rock? I love that squirrel when he rants. welcome to my life
Would you kindly do this for me? Buddies
Daphne - Foamy the Squirrel? Am I the only one that raises an eyebrow at that name? Foamy...the Squirrel...hahaha (Maybe give me the link?)
Ben - Having never seen Fraggle Rock (except for aforementioned beloved Christmas movie with combination characters), you have set up a good lens through which I will watch it (no doubt it'll be tonight, since Jason is coming over and last I heard he stapled the set to his ass). Will let you know what I think and if I laugh hard enough for milk to come out my nose.
Gab At Les
<< Home