Mothers: Funding Therapy One Fucked Up Daughter At A Time
The following is an online conversation I had this morning with my best friend of 9 years, Chris. Why repeat anything that's already in a dialogue? Enjoy.
dv001: Good morning sunshine!
lAdnrEd 16: goooooood mornin' pumpkin!
lAdnrEd 16: how are you
lAdnrEd 16: how was your weekend
dv001: good and good
dv001: yours?
lAdnrEd 16: Not bad
lAdnrEd 16: my car's power steering has gone berserk
dv001: no good
lAdnrEd 16: gotta get it fixed tonight
lAdnrEd 16: yesterday Jason drove us everywhere so I never used my car
lAdnrEd 16: then at 9:30pm Danny knocked on my door to ask me to move my car
lAdnrEd 16: so I went out and tried to back up the car
lAdnrEd 16: but couldn't move my steering wheel
lAdnrEd 16: I thought I was going crazy
dv001: ouch
lAdnrEd 16: so I jumped out of the car and told Danny
lAdnrEd 16: he tried to move the car and it started to smoke
dv001: !!?!!
lAdnrEd 16: at which point I ran in the house and yelled for Jason
lAdnrEd 16: like a hero he came flying down and immediately started to check it out
lAdnrEd 16: at which point he started to say "oh shit" over and over again, which only freaked me out more
lAdnrEd 16: turns out my power steering fluid was leaking in two places
lAdnrEd 16: not just leaking, but totally sprayed out
dv001: !!?!!
lAdnrEd 16: apparently the liquid had saturated everything inside my car, which is why Jason was saying "oh shit"
lAdnrEd 16: because the liquid drained so quickly, Jason suspects a line was pulled out
dv001: not too bad, a spray down should clean up the steering fluid
lAdnrEd 16: the smoke was coming from the fluid heating up on other parts
dv001: if it was oil, THEN you'd have a big issue
lAdnrEd 16: right.
lAdnrEd 16: so today Jason's going to make a couple phone calls and visit some car buddies to see how to fix this
dv001: cool
lAdnrEd 16: meanwhile Danny will invite his mechanic friend over in case Jason can't fix it
lAdnrEd 16: i really don't care how much it costs, as long as it gets fixed
lAdnrEd 16: stupid cars!
lAdnrEd 16: oh you will not BELIEVE the email I received from my mother this morning
dv001: Oh, do share. I may just believe it!
lAdnrEd 16: how do mothers do it? fuck us over in that subtle, demonic way of theirs?
lAdnrEd 16: you can just feel her judgment oozing all over it
lAdnrEd 16: here it is
lAdnrEd 16: Please tell me that you catch her subtleties and I'm not going crazy
dv001: no, I don't think that's so subtle
lAdnrEd 16: really? is it obvious?
dv001: I think it is.
dv001: And MEAN!!!
lAdnrEd 16: THANK YOU!!!!!!!
lAdnrEd 16: OH THANK GOD, I'M NOT CRAZY
dv001: If my mother had ever said somehting like that to my sister or myself, we'd have just left the house.
lAdnrEd 16: but do you see what I mean about how it's subtle? because, if taken out of context, a stranger would read that as one of the nicest letters ever written. technically, there's no "mean" word in it.
dv001: I disagree.
dv001: Your mother is blatantly attempting to wrest control of your love life and influence your choice in life mates.
dv001: Regardless of any back story, that's how I see it at first glance.
lAdnrEd 16: well I see a lot of things in it
lAdnrEd 16: First, she's assuming that she understands me and what's going on in my life.
lAdnrEd 16: Wrong.
lAdnrEd 16: Second, she added the conclusion that what she understands (which is already faulty) leads her to believe that I am walking down the demon's path
lAdnrEd 16: She assumed that I have not been reading the Bible or trying to follow God
lAdnrEd 16: Third, she does not acknowledge Jason directly, but rather strongly hints that he is totally wrong for me by telling me that she hopes I'll find the RIGHT guy...aka I have not found the right guy yet
lAdnrEd 16: Fourth, why the hell add "I miss you?" Have I been living in the 4th dimension of evil since I moved out or something?
lAdnrEd 16: I see her now more often than I did when I was in NY.
lAdnrEd 16: In one paragraph, she has managed to insult me in at least 4 different ways, and do it in the featherly, innocent way that only mothers can
dv001: while I do feel that she is being MEAN.
dv001: You may be overreacting a smidgeon.
lAdnrEd 16: Perhaps. But consider that she never emails me except to write things like this. And, when Jason and I are over, she never looks at Jason, let alone acknowledge him.
dv001: Well. He's not exactly Chinese. WHich IS a factor in it all.
lAdnrEd 16: No it's not.
dv001: YES, it is.
dv001: Trust me, it is.
lAdnrEd 16: I just don't understand! Chris, THIS is why famous books are then made into famous movies. Stories like The Joy Luck Club, The Ya-Ya Sisterhood, and The Prince of Tides are chalk full of main mother figures that are exact replicas of my mother.
dv001: Yep.
lAdnrEd 16: When I am a mother and I have a daughter, I will tell her from the day she is born the same thing: I love you, that will never change. I will be cordial to every boy you bring in here. But it's your life. If you fuck it up, then you face those consequences. Okay?
dv001: Women are vindictive. And they don't like to give up until they get what they want.
lAdnrEd 16: What my mother wants me to be is very elusive, if not impossible, so it's stupid of me to even try.
dv001: I agree. But you need to tell her this directly.
lAdnrEd 16: Christopher, you already have forgotten what you already know.
lAdnrEd 16: 1. You know I am a communicator, and a straight forward communicator at that. So I've already told her. 100 times.
lAdnrEd 16: 2. You know my mother is psycho with selective hearing. So she then pitches a fit and occassionally goes into her bubble of "Oh woe is me, I'm a terrible mother, how could I have raised this daughter"
lAdnrEd 16: it's really a vicious cycle in which I can't win.
lAdnrEd 16: And the awful thing about this email is that I'm screwed if I do, screwed if I don't.
lAdnrEd 16: If I answer, I'll say something wrong and it'll displease her.
lAdnrEd 16: If I don't answer, she'll pent up her anger for my silence until the next time I see her. Then she'll pounce on me for not responding.
lAdnrEd 16: God I love this life.
dv001: Good morning sunshine!
lAdnrEd 16: goooooood mornin' pumpkin!
lAdnrEd 16: how are you
lAdnrEd 16: how was your weekend
dv001: good and good
dv001: yours?
lAdnrEd 16: Not bad
lAdnrEd 16: my car's power steering has gone berserk
dv001: no good
lAdnrEd 16: gotta get it fixed tonight
lAdnrEd 16: yesterday Jason drove us everywhere so I never used my car
lAdnrEd 16: then at 9:30pm Danny knocked on my door to ask me to move my car
lAdnrEd 16: so I went out and tried to back up the car
lAdnrEd 16: but couldn't move my steering wheel
lAdnrEd 16: I thought I was going crazy
dv001: ouch
lAdnrEd 16: so I jumped out of the car and told Danny
lAdnrEd 16: he tried to move the car and it started to smoke
dv001: !!?!!
lAdnrEd 16: at which point I ran in the house and yelled for Jason
lAdnrEd 16: like a hero he came flying down and immediately started to check it out
lAdnrEd 16: at which point he started to say "oh shit" over and over again, which only freaked me out more
lAdnrEd 16: turns out my power steering fluid was leaking in two places
lAdnrEd 16: not just leaking, but totally sprayed out
dv001: !!?!!
lAdnrEd 16: apparently the liquid had saturated everything inside my car, which is why Jason was saying "oh shit"
lAdnrEd 16: because the liquid drained so quickly, Jason suspects a line was pulled out
dv001: not too bad, a spray down should clean up the steering fluid
lAdnrEd 16: the smoke was coming from the fluid heating up on other parts
dv001: if it was oil, THEN you'd have a big issue
lAdnrEd 16: right.
lAdnrEd 16: so today Jason's going to make a couple phone calls and visit some car buddies to see how to fix this
dv001: cool
lAdnrEd 16: meanwhile Danny will invite his mechanic friend over in case Jason can't fix it
lAdnrEd 16: i really don't care how much it costs, as long as it gets fixed
lAdnrEd 16: stupid cars!
lAdnrEd 16: oh you will not BELIEVE the email I received from my mother this morning
dv001: Oh, do share. I may just believe it!
lAdnrEd 16: how do mothers do it? fuck us over in that subtle, demonic way of theirs?
lAdnrEd 16: you can just feel her judgment oozing all over it
lAdnrEd 16: here it is
Dear TT and MM,lAdnrEd 16: (I am TT, Jen is MM)
I pray that God instills in you patience and discerning ability in selecting the man to spend the rest of your life with. I pray that you return to God and His Word, that you have the faith that He will bring a man to you who is your soul mate, who can lead you spiritually, whom you respect for his character and what he does, who is an encourager, and who loves you and makes his best efforts to let you feel loved. I am praying for both of you every day.
I miss you very much.
Mommy
lAdnrEd 16: Please tell me that you catch her subtleties and I'm not going crazy
dv001: no, I don't think that's so subtle
lAdnrEd 16: really? is it obvious?
dv001: I think it is.
dv001: And MEAN!!!
lAdnrEd 16: THANK YOU!!!!!!!
lAdnrEd 16: OH THANK GOD, I'M NOT CRAZY
dv001: If my mother had ever said somehting like that to my sister or myself, we'd have just left the house.
lAdnrEd 16: but do you see what I mean about how it's subtle? because, if taken out of context, a stranger would read that as one of the nicest letters ever written. technically, there's no "mean" word in it.
dv001: I disagree.
dv001: Your mother is blatantly attempting to wrest control of your love life and influence your choice in life mates.
dv001: Regardless of any back story, that's how I see it at first glance.
lAdnrEd 16: well I see a lot of things in it
lAdnrEd 16: First, she's assuming that she understands me and what's going on in my life.
lAdnrEd 16: Wrong.
lAdnrEd 16: Second, she added the conclusion that what she understands (which is already faulty) leads her to believe that I am walking down the demon's path
lAdnrEd 16: She assumed that I have not been reading the Bible or trying to follow God
lAdnrEd 16: Third, she does not acknowledge Jason directly, but rather strongly hints that he is totally wrong for me by telling me that she hopes I'll find the RIGHT guy...aka I have not found the right guy yet
lAdnrEd 16: Fourth, why the hell add "I miss you?" Have I been living in the 4th dimension of evil since I moved out or something?
lAdnrEd 16: I see her now more often than I did when I was in NY.
lAdnrEd 16: In one paragraph, she has managed to insult me in at least 4 different ways, and do it in the featherly, innocent way that only mothers can
dv001: while I do feel that she is being MEAN.
dv001: You may be overreacting a smidgeon.
lAdnrEd 16: Perhaps. But consider that she never emails me except to write things like this. And, when Jason and I are over, she never looks at Jason, let alone acknowledge him.
dv001: Well. He's not exactly Chinese. WHich IS a factor in it all.
lAdnrEd 16: No it's not.
dv001: YES, it is.
dv001: Trust me, it is.
lAdnrEd 16: I just don't understand! Chris, THIS is why famous books are then made into famous movies. Stories like The Joy Luck Club, The Ya-Ya Sisterhood, and The Prince of Tides are chalk full of main mother figures that are exact replicas of my mother.
dv001: Yep.
lAdnrEd 16: When I am a mother and I have a daughter, I will tell her from the day she is born the same thing: I love you, that will never change. I will be cordial to every boy you bring in here. But it's your life. If you fuck it up, then you face those consequences. Okay?
dv001: Women are vindictive. And they don't like to give up until they get what they want.
lAdnrEd 16: What my mother wants me to be is very elusive, if not impossible, so it's stupid of me to even try.
dv001: I agree. But you need to tell her this directly.
lAdnrEd 16: Christopher, you already have forgotten what you already know.
lAdnrEd 16: 1. You know I am a communicator, and a straight forward communicator at that. So I've already told her. 100 times.
lAdnrEd 16: 2. You know my mother is psycho with selective hearing. So she then pitches a fit and occassionally goes into her bubble of "Oh woe is me, I'm a terrible mother, how could I have raised this daughter"
lAdnrEd 16: it's really a vicious cycle in which I can't win.
lAdnrEd 16: And the awful thing about this email is that I'm screwed if I do, screwed if I don't.
lAdnrEd 16: If I answer, I'll say something wrong and it'll displease her.
lAdnrEd 16: If I don't answer, she'll pent up her anger for my silence until the next time I see her. Then she'll pounce on me for not responding.
lAdnrEd 16: God I love this life.
posted by The mini ninja at 11:25 AM
1 Comments:
I got the *exact same* letter from my mom earlier this year. She went so far as to proclaim 25 the age at which we should all get married... which would have given me, oh, about 6 months to close the deal. She means well. :)
Gab At Les
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